your room smells of hookers.
And success
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
