They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
two words: eviction party
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
