Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
