you guys were way drunker than both of me
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
