Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
