If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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