I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
