why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
