My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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