when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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