i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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