Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
