He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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