This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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