I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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