Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
