so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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