Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
