the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
