He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
