last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
