Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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