Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
