Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
