After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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