hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
His hands were made for my vagina.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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