Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
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Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
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I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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