who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
