I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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