3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
