Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
