this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
3 2 1 whiskey
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
