He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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