wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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