So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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