I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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