I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
