it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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