he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
