well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I've blown a few things in my day
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
