there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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