dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i think i have two assholes
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
