watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
