he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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