she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
