that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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