btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
