I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
