I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
