I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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