We won't sleep together?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
