Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
