I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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