How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
