Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
