Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
