dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She is in my trunk
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
