I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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