I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
