also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
