I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
