Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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