I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
