Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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