I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
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Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize