Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
