soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
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He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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