thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
