she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
